Sometimes I get in these moods...where I feel very sentimental. It's raining outside and I can only hear the soft pounding of raindrops outside...or maybe I'm imagining it, because I'm far away from any kind of window. I'm in a box...cube...listening to my radio. The music is taking me to a place of longing, hidden passion, a desire for more...a desire for romance...for love...for affection...for passionate aggression...and for sweetness.

Sometimes I worry about me...I get caught up in a mood, a song, or a person and continue to build out a fantasy based on that 1 thing. It's funny, sometimes when I hear songs, it feels like I'm the person experiencing the things they're saying...like I've been the person on the other end of the relationship or breakup. Why is that? Probably because I haven't experienced such bad things or such passionate things as they describe...but sometimes, I wish I did.

I'm emotionally deep and complicated...but the sad part is...those closest to me probably have no idea of the complexity I feel or the depth that is in me. That makes it hard to exist...because then I have to always put on my "face" and show people who they expect to see, rather than get into the complicated details that embody the essence of me.

I can go a whole day with music guiding my feelings and me not speaking...just feeling. Is that odd? It almost seems preferable. I can tell more about a man by the way he acts than the words he speaks. But sometimes those words are precious...tender...aggressive...and sweet...all at the same time. I get chills thinking about the last time I heard someone say that.

Perhaps the things I'm missing in my life right now are the biggest things I need -- if that's the case, then what the hell am I doing? But, on the other hand, if I had those things, I'd have to take the bad with the good...and is it worth that in the end?

I don't know. Answers would be nice, but it seems that life spins us around and around and when we stop, we feel dizzy...so maybe it's best to keep on spinning...until everything around us spins as well...and therefore, voiding out the fact that things are constantly moving and won't stop until the end.