Fuck the world and the dog ass men in them. It's time to do me. So, I got a call today...well, last night...from fine as hell guy. He left a VM and I thought it was so sweet to hear his voice. I played the voicemail a couple of times that night...and the next day...just to hear his voice. I mean, we had a recent breakthrough. 2 or 3 weeks go, he said he missed our interaction....he said our times are intense and it had him pondering, like me. I tried not to read too much into it because he's always been a dangerous choice. Super flaky, yet super fine. Something about him spoke to me, and I never knew why. So I called him back today while I was at a business meeting at the Ivy in LA with 8 colleagues/biz folks. I was in line for the restroom and he answered. I said "hey! Did you call me about the media takeout post about the public official you work for?" he said "no...what's that?" so I said "apparently, the blog posted that he was engaged so I guess his press peeps want to manage that." and he said "oh...well in similar news, I wanted to call and tell you...well, actually I wanted to tell you in person but my schedule has been hectic...that I'm about to get engaged." (my heart stops...then starts again...then slowly sinks with a deafening sound...with faked happiness I said "oh wow! That's big! Congrats to you...I'm so proud of you!" and he thanked me and said he didn't want me to find out about it on social media or through others...so I asked "how soon will you be engaged?" him: pause..."well, today." So I said "oh wow! Well, congrats in advance!!!" and he said "thanks homie! Let's do drinks when you get back to town to catch up." me: "sure!" and we get off the phone. I'm in the men's bathroom (only one open) and my eyes well up with tears and I sob softly...mad at myself for crying at all. This is only the 2nd time I've ever cried over a man in the bathroom and it shall be my last (first time was in college with the young boy deM Wils. So that's that. Now I have to put on a Happy face and do my job and interact with DJs at this press junket...and pretend to be happy. But all I want to do is lay down in bed and be alone. Funny thing is...I thought I'd beat him to the punch with being engaged...but boy, was it easy for him to tell me...it was hard for me to even think about telling him. Such is life. I'm over men. I'm good enough...no GREAT enough to be first position in a man's life. No more playing second, even if I think it's what I want because I'm too scared to play first. I want to quit all men for a while. I'm just done. I'm tired and I'd rather focus on myself. Damn. Fucking men.