It's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy. I've moved out from living with the boyfriend...and broke up with him....kind of. Told him I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, but the truth is, I just don't see a future for me and him. I don't feel a romantic interest in him any longer, although I still love and care for him deeply as a friend and confidant. It's too hard to tell him that directly, but I have to. Also, in the mean time...I met a guy. A nice guy. Spiritual guy. But...I think he's still in a place of healing from his last relationship....and may possibly still be with his ex...or a new girl. Whichever it is, he's unavailable emotionally. And I sense that. But I think he feels that I was always sad around him, which sucks. The trouble is that he came back into my life as a friend at a time when my family was going through a crisis. My older brother was arrested at our family reunion....by his fiance...horrible situation. And it took 2 weeks to get him out of jail. And that's when this guy came into my life. While I had the most amazing fun time with him when we were together, I was also having to be the rock of my family and manage this crisis almost entirely alone. Bail money,allowing my brother to move in with me temporarily (which has gone on FAR too long. it's almost been 3 months and I've been trying to get him out for at least 2 months). It's just a lot for 1 person to carry. The ex-bf keeps trying to help, but I can't accept his help sometimes because I need him to really be an EX...we have to get through this on our own. Poor guy...he's been with me for 10 years and is a part of the family now, so I get his wanting to help. I just don't feel that way about him anymore and my dignity can't allow it. Anyway, I'm trying to get the spiritual guy off my mind and really understand it's over. The problem is...the chemistry and bonding was so real to me....and I hadn't felt that way about anyone in a while. So, perhaps I'm reluctant to let go of the feeling, and not him. Who knows. I wish this man all of the success in the world, though. The girl he is with is surely one lucky woman. But, I'm a great woman as well and my time will come. One day. For now, no more dating or non-dating. Just going to be me...the real me...on the inside...who's been dying to come out and play for a decade. Time to set her free. xo