I've tried several times...to push past the pain
To forget about sex and romance...so I can live again
And though the days are good...the nights are silent
I breathe in...breathe out...and this is now my vent.

It's a silent succumbing....a casual numbing
That eases the mind when I think
It's a "put myself last", "put others first" birth
That's widened the gap, and deepened the dearth
Between me and what I used to hope for.

Is it still possible? Can it really be?
That I'd still find someone, when someone's holding me?
I think not, but then again, I tend to bid low
In hopes that no one and nothing drags me under the tow.

This fear I have...is so masqueraded that I can hardly see
that I have slowly but surely limited loved ones from seeing me
The real me.

I don't know how to be selfish anymore, even though I desperately need to be
It seems too self-serving for someone so blessed...even if it is me.

I want to take chances...I want to keep an open heart and mind.
But others may see my limitations as a romantic, pain-filled land mine.
But I can guide them where they step...make sure they proceed with caution and care
I'm sure they don't care, because they know better than to even go there.

It's too hard to explain to an outsider what it's like to live in my world.
They'd have to see past the physical whims and look inside at the soul of the girl.