I feel terrible...confused...emotionally torn...and, just a tad bit scandalous. Sigh. "fine as hell" guy needs to be cut. plain and simple. there's no emotional connection at all. he's just mr. fun guy.

that being said...this impending engagement has me thrown...what is my guy thinking? I told him NOT to propose until the issues are solved...but i think he may. well, i'm pretty certain he will. sigh. what to do, what to do.

why is life so complicated? all i want is simplicity right now. that is all.