So, today....3 weeks after I found out "fine as hell guy" got engaged...he texts me. I see his name pop up on my phone, and my heart stops for a beat. Then, it beats again, remembering it's over between us. I look at it, and of course it say something generic: "L Dog, how are you?"....WTF?! Who the fuck are you to ask me how I am?! How do you THINK I am?! I'm actually fine....not horrible, not great...but I've come to terms with his engagement, and it's fine. It's cool. We would've never been. Even though a part of me still feels the tug of wonderment at why our chemistry was so great but our communication was so slack. Which is better to have if you had to choose? Chemistry or companionship? Hmmm...got great companionship with my current dude, but no chemistry. with fine as hell guy, i have/had great chemistry but no communication or companionship. Part of me wishes that he felt a nagging tug at his heart wondering if we ever could have been something. But, the other part of me hopes his marriage proposal and desire to be with his fiance is unfettered. She deserves it, I'm sure. I know I do. Man.... Hate that part of my heart still longs for him...or is it my loins? Hmmm....so, I just read 50 Shades of Grey, that erotic novel that has all housewives clenching their thighs together to catch the desire between their knees. Funny enough, some of Anastasia's thoughts when she's with Christian Grey remind me of fine as hell guy. Feeling like you're so lucky to have this beautiful specimen lying next to you and how you don't even want to move a bit because it's all so surreal. That's how I felt with him. It was always intense...always passionate...always lovely. Sigh. Those days are gone. May as well move on. I'm tired of all guys. Married ones, single ones, dating ones. all of them. I don't want another guy unless I'm #1 in his eyes. Period.