A good friend wrote a song about a girl who's in the movies and how she's a star when the lights go down and the mics go off because she's a star to him. It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and it feels like it's speaking to me. He wrote it 2 days after meeting me because he thought it'd be interesting to write about someone in tv or the movies. The song's not really about me. It'd be nice to think I helped inspire it. I absolutely love it. Anyway, that being said...I've slowly been letting go of "fine as hell" guy. We were actually supposed to have drinks this past Friday, two days ago, at my request so we could "talk". I guess I got it in my head, thanks to my girlfriend JJ, that I need to clearly state my feelings for him (I'm a non-vulnerable way, if possible) so I can also give him a chance to speak too...and so I can put this whole thing to bed. Crazy thing is that I got sick with a terrible head cold the Thursday evening before I was to meet him on Friday. Thus, I canceled the drinks. When I texted him to cancel, he sent back a crying emoticon (:-'(. I said "u weren't sad" and he said "I was". And we joked and he called me a jerk and I said "you still love me tho" amd he said "of course." Made my heart melt just a little. Then I saw him tweet a pic of his fiancé dancing at a wedding they attended. Sigh. What's the point? I don't event know what I want to say anymore at this drinks meeting. I suppose the only real question I have is "did you ever have any feelings for me at all??" that's the heart of it. I just wonder if he felt anything more than just friends because I definitely felt more for him. But what doesn't matter now. He will go off and get married and have kids and that will be that. Life. #tough. In other news, the friend that wrote the song is he sweetest man ever. He has tendencies like the main steady but he's so gifted and sweet to me and awesome. I'm just trying to enjoy it while it lasts. We will see.